This is destined to be a short post. Mainly because I’ve got so many other things to do, I’ve had to shoehorn it in between an excel spreadsheet and feeding the cat. I’m not sure why I’ve got so much to do. I’ve been on holiday. But I haven’t come back to a backlog of work, and I didn’t forget to set the cat feeder while I was away, so I haven’t come back to a backlog of making it up to the cat for nearly starving her, either.

I think what’s happened is that while I was out of the office most of the time having treatment, I had quite a lot of space around appointments to fill with necessary chores and additional activities. It wasn’t hard to fill. Now I’m back in the office as usual, the pesky work side of things takes up a lot more time, what with the ad hoc ‘can I just grab you…’ type meetings, and the loss of the whole ‘out of sight, out of mind’ situation from which I was previously benefitting. All of which leaves less time for the essential ongoing medical appointments and necessary chores, and means the additional activities (the ones that might actually be fun) risk falling right off the end of the agenda. 

I’ve been beating myself up about not having as much capacity as I used to. But I think I’ve just got more to do. I didn’t have weekly medical appointments to fit in before. I wasn’t mentoring any current patients. Or taking part in any medical trials. I didn’t realise how many people I wanted to spend time with either, or just how many fun activities there were to choose from. And I guess I didn’t have quite so many things on my mind. I didn’t have a blog to keep updated, for starters.

I’m used to drowning in work. Not so long ago I was accustomed regularly to flinging myself into the deep end quite willingly, with the ability to swim about a width, with arm bands. I relished the challenge, I insisted. Actually, as it transpires, I didn’t. I just didn’t see any option. I’m not so keen on that route now. Give me a waterslide any day.

If the last year has taught me anything, it’s that while some things are completely, utterly out of my control, other things aren’t. So if any of those things are bothering me, it’s up to me to do something about them. Or to choose not to. Either way, what I’m going to try not to do, is spend ages complaining about how I don’t have time for any of the things I want to do, because I have to spend all my time doing the things I don’t. Firstly, because I don’t have to do those things if I really don’t want to. And secondly, because where the hell am I supposed to find the time to complain?