Today I did the hardest and bravest thing I’ve done all year. It was nothing to do with bad news, treatment, horrible side-effects or any of the rest of the things I’ve dealt with this year. It took about five minutes, and I did it sitting on the sofa (and there’s a sentence that could have a completely different meaning out of context). Anyway. 

So here’s the thing. I posted on Facebook about my cancer for the first time. 

Most of my friends on Facebook already knew I’d been having treatment – but that’s not the point. It was nothing to do with the cancer, and everything to do with giving a little bit of real information about the real me. I don’t do that, generally. And certainly not easily. I mainly employ the tried and tested social media techniques of deflection, sarcasm, and – if in doubt – a humorous horse selfie. To be honest, I’m not even that great at sharing the real me in real life, but I’m working on that. 

But reflecting on the past year, I came to realise the huge amount of support that people have given me by sharing a bit of themselves – their experiences, their care, their emotions, their time. Mainly, I think, their honesty. And I realised how out of everything, that’s what’s made the difference. You know, along with the drugs. So I thought, really, the very least I can do is return the favour. I’ll try hard not to bore everyone to tears with too much of the real me – I mean, I’m interesting, but not that interesting. But people deserve to be let in a bit, don’t they – when they’ve spent so much of the last year clasping me, metaphorically (in most cases at least) to their bosom. 

So, I did something that thousands of people do every single day, and I found it incredibly hard, but incredibly rewarding. Which pretty much sums up the past year when you think about it. And without getting all spiritual – because that’s so not me that it really wouldn’t be like sharing a bit of myself at all, but a bit of someone completely different – there’s definitely some sort of infinity loop of emotional reinforcement going on here. People have given me so much of themselves, and until I’ve given a bit of raw honesty back, how can they know the difference they’ve made? And if that’s all it takes for me to make them feel even a fraction of how they’ve made me feel, well that’s worth it hundred times over. 

And just for the record (and because I wouldn’t be being me without ending on a flippant comment to diffuse a situation), as well as the emotional support, I can also be cheered quite significantly with any combination of small fluffy animals, baked goods, and nail polish. Well, thinking about it, possibly not quite any combination…