My last post was concerned with how much I enjoy looking forward to things. And I really do. Directly linked to this, I really hate surprises. This, I’ve always been convinced, is due to the missed opportunity for looking forward to the surprise. If I knew what someone was planning to surprise me with, I could look forward to it from the moment I was made aware of it until the moment it materialised. Which is often quite a long time. Did I mention how much I love looking forward to things?

However, I was thinking about this quite a bit today – prompted by the potentially exciting news that a friend has arranged a surprise treat for me. Except I didn’t find this news exciting at all. I found it worrying and, if I’m honest, a bit irritating. Why does the ‘treat’ have to be a surprise? Why would my friend assume that a surprise would be a ‘treat’? I don’t like surprises, for a start. If she doesn’t know that about me, how can she possibly be expected to know what I would class as a treat? Except she hasn’t sprung it on me, has she? She’s given me advance warning that something special is coming my way. So why isn’t that enough? Why doesn’t that allow me to look forward to the as-yet-undisclosed ‘something special’? And also, why am I so ungrateful, and why can’t I enjoy the fact that a friend would want to treat me, or the anticipation of a treat without knowing what it is? What’s that about? 

And the answer, of course, is trust.

Is it that I don’t trust anyone to know what I’d like as a treat? Kind of. Maybe. But I’m not actually that materialistic. I am actually genuinely grateful that anyone wants to treat me at all. That’s way more important to me than whatever the treat itself turns out to be. The real issue is that I struggle to find willingly giving up any semblance of control of a situation enjoyable. Trusting someone else to determine the what, where and when just feels a bit stressful. I realise, however, the ridiculousness of this situation. A lack of control over the outcome of something of which I don’t really mind what the outcome is, well, it shouldn’t really be that stressful. 

So I’m trying my best to enjoy the anticipation of something I might enjoy, along with the certainty that I already enjoy a fantastic friendship. And, thankfully, one thing I can definitely enjoy is the knowledge of my ability to summon a convincing expression of extreme delight and surprise, at a moment’s notice.