At work, I’m a breadth not depth kind of person. Give me responsibility for the big picture over the detail any day. I love a bit of high level thinking. In food terms (and let’s face it, there are no better terms), it’s like having responsibility for setting the menu, and maybe sampling the tasting menu every day. With other people waiting to finish off the bits you didn’t really fancy.

In my personal life, I guess I’m a bit like that too. You could call it superficial. I choose to call it strategic. I like to have several things on the boil, to know a little about a lot, to dip in and out. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to invest a bit more. A couple of friends have had problems that aren’t really the sort you can dip in and out of. I mean, you could, but dipping out when someone’s at the point of going in for a major operation, or just after they’ve told you they’re getting a divorce, just doesn’t seem quite right. That bit’s gone ok. I’m not too bad at investing when I’m on the giving end of things. It’s the other end that’s trickier. The being open and honest and revealing things that might make me feel vulnerable. Not quite so great at that.

But I’m giving it a good go. And I’ve developed a few handy techniques. Arrange to see people for longer. Dinner rather than a quick drink, that sort of thing. Means I can’t accidentally-on-purpose never quite get past the small talk. Pause and think before answering a question. Another good one. Occasionally prevents me from trotting out the standard ‘fine, thanks, how are you?’.

The winner, though, and the one I’m particularly proud of, is this: say ‘yes’. Seriously. That’s it. I’ve discovered my default response is ‘no’. ‘Would you like…’ ‘no, thank you.’ ‘How about we…’ ‘oh, no, I don’t think so.’ ‘Do you mind if I…’ ‘no, no, not at all.’

In pretty much every case, the honest answer is yes. ‘No’ feels safer, more controlled, unobtrusive. ‘Yes’ opens possibilities. It invites something from someone else, or reveals something about myself. So as a start, I’m trying really hard to use that one little word, and see where that takes me. Where it’s taken me this week, for example, is to a bar for a few cocktails. And that, incidentally, is another of my handy tips for getting comfortable with being honest and open. Even if you can’t quite remember it the next morning.