Actually, you kind of don’t need to. Eat cheese, by all means. Who doesn’t love cheese? But the point of this page is to list some of the plus points, opportunities, ways to stay positive, etc. that have worked for me during treatment so far… all of which mean that fake cheesy photo-smiles are pretty much redundant. So here, for what it’s worth, are a few of my tips and experiences, all of which have cheered me up no end. And if they don’t work for you, there’s always cheese.

Looking good

There’s no denying that chemo, surgery and a raft of other treatments have the potential to significantly alter your appearance. And even if you start off resembling Kate Moss at the peak of her catwalk fame, there’s still a fair chance you’ll end up feeling somewhat less attractive than a blobfish (Google it, you’ll see what I mean). However, I’ve found that there are a few positives to the various physical changes, plus an awful lot of things that can be done to make the less positive ones more bearable.

Hairy moments – ok, so ‘bald’ is rarely touted as a particularly desirable look. And that’s before you factor in the lack of eyebrows, eyelashes and other less obvious hairy places. However, if you’re as appearance-focused as me, you might at the very least find a rather sizeable saving in both time and money. Both of which can be put to good use. So no paying for hair cuts, colouring, waxing, plucking, threading, basically any of the standard hair-related beauty treatments. No time spent on blow-drying, curling, straightening, or whatever other titivating you’ve been used to of a morning. 

Wigs, hats, scarves and bald heads can all look fabulous. And trying out different looks and outfits is always fun. The best wig I’ve got came from China and cost me £7 on EBay. It’s obviously not particularly high quality, but for something to stick on under a hat or scarf just so there’s a bit of ‘hair’ poking out, it’s ideal. The beautiful, long wig I bought for £300 before I lost my hair, so I wouldn’t be worried about not being able to look like ‘me’ once I did, is stunning. I frequently admire it as it stands resplendent on my dresser. Sometimes I give it a little brush. Never worn it though. Although it was worth the £300 to stop me worrying. I was just lucky enough to discover that I kind of like the ‘me’ with no hair.

I did spend quite a lot of time Googling phrases like ‘glamorous bald female celeb’ which is quite encouraging. I mean, I can’t pretend to look anything like any of them, but it’s good to know that bald is in no way synonymous with unattractive. Eyebrows and eyelashes can be faked much more easily than I expected. If, like me, you’re unfortunate enough to be blessed with a giant hairy caterpillar masquerading as a pair of eyebrows, the daily plucking routine can be seamlessly replaced by a bit of colouring in, with time to spare, and resulting in a much more socially acceptable style of brow. If you need a bit of help with your drawing technique, a visit to MAC, Benefit (or probably any make-up counter to be fair) will yield a fantastic free tutorial with not too much of a product hard-sell attached. There are of course stencils if you want a perfect shape. Having experimented extensively, I have found Maybelline’s Brow Satin to be the best and most reasonably priced option. You can draw the brows on with the pencil ‘hair’ by ‘hair’, and then use the other end to blend them into a softer shape.  More importantly, you can try out all manner of styles, shapes and colours. If you’ve always wanted to be one of those people able to raise one eyebrow quizzically, now’s your chance.

There are products that can help prevent eyebrows and eyelashes falling out. I used lipocils which definitely made a difference. As evidenced by more hair loss in the areas where I failed to apply it properly. Obviously you can try false lashes, and some people wear clear glasses (unless they need prescription ones to see, in which case presumably they continue to wear those) which can make the missing lashes less obvious, and also help prevent watery eyes. A good line of liquid eyeliner above where the top lashes would be creates a pretty good illusion though.

Nailing it – chemo drugs can affect your nails. One tip to help with this is to keep them painted. A medical justification for sparkly nails. That’s all the encouragement I need. Before chemo I had acrylic nails. Painted in a range of designs, mainly Hawaiian themed. These had to come off because of the risk of infection from the files, buffers and other instruments of torture involved. Cue massive financial saving. Plus the discovery that painting your own nails in a range of seasonally appropriate colours and patterns is really a lot of fun. Get a few nail art pens from Barry M and there’ll be no stopping you.

Weighty issues – there’s no dressing up the fact that unplanned weight loss or gain, unless you’ve coincidentally been trying to lose or gain weight of course, is likely to be an unwelcome side effect. And can play havoc with your body image. Everyone insists that it will probably be temporary. However, any excuse for a bit of clothes shopping. It’s very important to treat yourself during these challenging times. And you’ve got to find something to do with all that money, now you’re not spending it on your hair and nails…

So quite a few reasons to smile really. And a smile goes a long way to helping you look, and feel, pretty damn good. And on reflection, I do think there’s something quite endearing about the blobfish.