Food. Right up there on the list of Good Things. That’s a given. It’s also one of the few of life’s pleasures that needs absolutely no justification, on the basis that it is a fundamental life-giving necessity.

Now, hanging about in treatment limbo certainly gives a girl ample time to hone her Nigella-impersonation skills. And if chemo causes a sore mouth, what better opportunity for experimental smoothie making? Bandwagon nutri-blender purchase coming into its own, Masterchef invention tests paling in comparison, I was struck with the terrible injustice of this situation. Why should these culinary triumphs be reserved for those of us lucky enough to have excessive amounts of time on our hands? So, to address this inequality, and in constant hope of a publishing / TV series / possible food-related film deal, I’m sharing the yumminess right here.

Squashy Pie 

 Not much to it but looks cute and ideal for serving to annoying friends on low-carb diets for Halloween. So mass appeal there.

Cut the top off a pretty coloured squash. Harlequins are great. Scoop out the seeds and manky bits. Bake it till it’s nice and soft, but not collapsed in a soggy heap. Stuff with a bit of what you fancy (this was a sort of veggie risotto thing – low-carb friend is also veggie. I know.) Chilli is a good option. Serve to rapturous applause.

Trendy Instagram Avocado Chocolate Pot

 I resisted trying this for ages on the basis that it looks stupid. However, it turns out curiosity didn’t only kill the cat, it also proved me wrong. This is actually a) really bloody delicious, and b) probably a bit good for you.

In whichever nutri-blender has sucked you in (I eventually went for the Salter Nutri-pro 1000 and can thoroughly recommend it), scoop out one avocado, and blend with two tablespoons of cocoa powder (or raw cacao if you really want to hit every Instagram hashtag), two teaspoons of honey, and a slosh of almond milk (or any other milk probably). Try to let it at least touch the bowl for the requisite photo before scoffing it.

Smooth Operator Bowl

There’s no recipe for this – basically involves making a smoothie a bit thicker than usual, putting it in a bowl, and dressing it for Instagram. You can then legitimately call yourself a Healthy Eating Guru.

Some good ones (tip: work out the amounts based on adding most of what you like most, least of what you like least. That should have some bearing on your eventual enjoyment).

• Vitality Breakfast Smoothie Bowl: banana, apricot, mango, fresh ginger, Greek yoghurt, coconut milk. Blend, pour, eat.
• Hot Frangipane Smoothie Porridge Bowl: oats, apricot, raspberry, almonds, almond milk. Blend, pour, microwave, eat.

Great Shakes

Similarly a pretty basic formula for these – chuck in stuff that tastes good, and mix it up. Oh, and presentation is key. So a pretend milk bottle, some squirty cream and a few sprinkles go a really long way.

 

• Banoffee Pie Smoothie: banana, honey, peanut butter, yoghurt, milk, sprinkle of cocoa. Whizz, pour, sprinkle, drink.
• American PBJ Dream: strawberry jelly, peanut butter, vanilla ice cream, milk, squirty cream, sprinkles. Whizz, pour, squirt, sprinkle, drink.
• No Trifling: strawberry jelly, fresh strawberries, custard, vanilla ice cream, splash of milk, squirty cream, sprinkles. Whizz, pour, squirt, sprinkle, drink.

Carrot (so it must be healthy) Cake

  This is the perfect cake to bake for a friend who is on a diet and loves carrot cake. You’ll get the obvious points for making carrot cake for someone who loves carrot cake, and bonus points for the fact that it’s low sugar, low fat (relatively), and contains both fruit and veg. That’s practically minus calories.

Whisk 4 eggs and 100g Truvia sweetener till pale and creamy. Sift in 110g self-raising flour and a couple of teaspoons of mixed spice. Stir in 2 raw carrots (probably easiest if you grate them first) and chuck in some raisins. Bake at 180 for approx 35 min. When cool, mix up some Philadelphia with a bit of sweetener and slather all over everything to hide any dips, burnt bits or soggy bottoms. If you managed to keep enough air in the mixture, you’ll get a cake. If you didn’t, you’ll get a sort of bread pudding. Either way, you’ll get a fair bit of admiration.

Fast Track Coffee and Cake

  
With today’s hectic lifestyle it’s no wonder a girl sometimes struggles to find time for that refuelling staple of coffee and cake. So thank goodness for this little life hack – compressed into one handy item, coffee in cake form not only saves time, but also leaves you with a free hand to complete all manner of essential tasks, whilst you shovel in the yumminess with the other. 

Mix 225g caster sugar with 225g butter. Beat 4 eggs and add them along with 225g self raising flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder and 4 teaspoons instant coffee (diluted in a tiny bit of boiling water and left to cool) and a load of walnuts. Stir till smooth and bake in two tins at 180 for about 30 mins (or till it’s done). Stick the cakes together with butter icing flavoured with more coffee, slap more on the top, decorate with walnuts and paint a pretty picture with even stronger coffee and a make-up brush (try to wash the make-up off first).

Green Goddess

  Ok, I’ll admit this isn’t exactly a recipe as much as a party political broadcast, but green is good, and everyone loves a party. For a quick veggie-based alternative to tagliatelle, you just need a courgette and a vegetable peeler. Chuck on a few more veggies in a contrasting colour, and drizzle with a dressing of tahini, Greek yoghurt, lemon juice and seasoning. 

Then, because this is ridiculously low calorie, I like to scoff a couple of pieces of rye toast piled with cream cheese and avocado. And maybe some cake.

Lazy Cakes  

   
So easy there aren’t really any instructions. Or ingredients to speak of. Put some marshmallows and Rice Crispies in the microwave for about 25 seconds.  Take them out. Eat them. I guess if you wanted to be really flashy, you could go wild and sprinkle on a few chocolate chips or something. But why mess with perfection?

My Cup Overflows

  Oh look! You can basically make a peanut butter cup in less time than it would take to go to the local shop and buy one. Mix a crushed digestive with a heaped teaspoon of smooth peanut butter. Press into a cute shaped cookie cutter and stick it in the fridge. Melt some chocolate buttons in the microwave. Melt more for a thicker layer. The thicker the better. Pour onto the biscuit mix and stick back in the fridge. Remove, and eat immediately, before anyone else spots it. You have been warned.